Around the new year, a barely conscious inner drive pushes us to enter the game of resolutions. Brows furrowed, we mentally or physically write down the ultimate goals through which we will improve our lives: running every morning, spending more time with friends and family, saving money, studying Chinese, completely giving up sugar, traveling more, etc. Sometimes we don’t even notice that some of these resolutions collide (eg, savings and travel).
We do all this vaguely remembering that at the beginning of last year we did something similar, and two years ago, for that matter, the same, and it didn’t really work. We quickly dismiss the thought and turn to our grown-ups list. Why do we keep fooling ourselves with the list of resolutions, even though somehow, we know they don’t really materialize? And why don’t they work?
We are seeking comfort creatures (not necessarily pleasure, but mostly the absence of pain/effort). Due to this, the human mind has developed highly refined mechanisms to avoid or ward off discomfort, called cognitive errors/bias in research, and defensive mechanisms in psychotherapy. Therefore, we have sort of a paradoxical superpower: the ability to deceive ourselves, to fool ourselves, using the most logical of arguments.
When it comes to New Year’s resolutions, we can’t quite manage to turn our good intentions into priorities. We are dominated by “temporal inconsistency”: we place more weight on benefits in the future and less importance on those same benefits when we must act in the present; instead, in the moment we place more importance on immediate gratification. I will certainly benefit from going to the pool for a swim, I will be doing that starting Monday; Monday comes, but I don’t feel like going to the pool, I’d rather stay in bed for a while.
We are also fooled by the intoxicating effect of the “fresh start” and tend to be extremely optimistic. The consequence of this optimism is that we set 7-8 resolutions, all grand and involving extraordinary reversals of our situation: we relate to ourselves as if we were someone else, in a different life context. Reality is that in the coming year we will still be us, with our complicated lifestyles and our daily struggles.
On the other hand, if we don’t set out for anything, we can’t change anything, right? And you might ask me: then how do we do it?
First, it’s important to understand that there is nothing magical about January 1st (or Monday). So, you can propose to change something for the better on February 13th. Anytime, for that matter.
Start with a single, very specific goal. Yes, just one. Then make a detailed plan and take each step one at a time. Example: Do you want to run a marathon but have zero physical condition? Start by walking daily for at least 45 minutes; then by running for 10 minutes, no more, etc. Identify your weaknesses and prepare better responses: When am I tempted to give up? What can I say to myself in those moments to remind me of my motivation? Also expect moments when it feels like you’re relapsing into old habits, but don’t use them as an excuse to give up.
Remember: change is a process; continue your journey!
